I could have done so many things, baby,
if I could only stop my mind
from wond’rin’ what I left behind
and from worryin’ ’bout this wasted time. (The Eagles)
One year ago today, while at work, I suffered what my neurologist called a “thunderclap” headache. I’ve had a year without work, without answers, and without what I would call, my “normal life.”
This year, to many, will appear to be a waste of time. I don’t have a diagnosis; I’m not cured. In fact, it may seem I’ve gone backwards. Digressed, instead of moving forward with my life…
Throughout the struggle of searching for answers, fighting with doctors and hospitals for tests, changing insurance, losing my job, I have come to understand some of the struggles and frustrations of some of the people I once served while working at Legal Aid. My empathy for their situations has deepened; ironic that I am no longer in a position to reach them. Seems like I should be able to use this lesson learned, doesn’t it?
I am reminded of a similar situation in my life. I was enrolled at Lockyear Business College, bookkeeping and paralegal studies, when the school filed for bankruptcy and closed. I was a few hours short of graduating and at the time, it felt like I had wasted two years and thousands of dollars that I owed in student loans.
But a few years later, without benefit of a degree, I found a job as a bookkeeper for a small business. And, as you just read, I eventually worked in a legal office.
Wasted time. What most would consider a waste, God can use. He can use every experience along my path to his glory…if I let him. My whole life is merely preparation for moments that God can use to his glory.
When Jesus called the disciples, he took time to teach them…but he used what they had already experienced in their lives to help them relate to his teachings.
When David stood before Goliath, he used his knowledge of fighting wild animals while protecting his father’s flocks to slay the giant. Seasoned warriors fled, but David trusted God and God used what David knew best.
No matter what my circumstance, I know that I am exactly where God would have me be. Because today, God can use whatever you or I have to offer, to reach those who need him. We have only to provide the williness…He will provide the opportunity.
Next weekend, Jim and I will travel to Ann Arbor, Michigan, to have further tests and meet with a team of neurologists. While we are still seeking answers, we are also mindful of the path that God is leading us on and thankful for the prayers and support of so many.
Wasted time? Only if I let it be.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11