light unto my path…

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path.
-Psalm 119:105

I am easily distracted.

It might be an odd way to begin my blog, but today has been a day of enlightenment and you need to know that fact about me right up front.

If I am cleaning and pick up something in the bedroom that belongs in the bathroom, instead of taking it there and returning, I’m more likely to start cleaning the bathroom. Not an issue in and of itself, but I may or may not go back and finish the bedroom, which was my goal. It’s a problem I’ve had all my life. I am easily distracted.

And today, I was reminded of a goal I set about a year ago, that I have become very distracted from. Let me explain. While Jim was going through the application process to become a deacon, I was beginning to pray the rosary on a regular basis. One night, after I finished praying, I wrote down this prayer:

Mother Mary, help me to become less, that He may become more. Amen.

A simple but powerful prayer. At the time, it had two meanings for me. First, as I grew closer to Mary through praying the Rosary, I was asking her to help me focus more on her son, Jesus, than myself.

Second, I was asking her to help me support Jim as he applied for and discerned his call to become a deacon. I wanted Mary’s help to be his support and encouragement as he moved forward.

After we began attending classes last fall, something began to change in me. I became distracted with the goal I had set before me and I began to imagine what I could do if I completed the studies with Jim, not just as his support, but for myself. Maybe this was something God was calling me to pursue.

There were other distractions as well, taking me from the path I felt sure God had set me on. It was as though someone was waiving a shiny object and I couldn’t help but change direction.

If I had prayed and if I had felt God’s will and if I had spent any time discerning, it would be different. But…I didn’t do any of the three. I just changed directions without much thought to it at all.

Today, when I finished praying the Rosary, a piece of paper fell out of my Manual of Prayers, which I use during my prayer time. It is the paper, pictured above. It was my prayer from last year… Mother Mary, help me to become less, that He may become more. Amen.

I’m ashamed and embarrassed that I let my own will run roughshod over God’s will once again. I’m angry with myself for straying so far from where I know I was called to be, by Jim’s side, not racing him to the finish line.

Thank you, Mother Mary, for walking beside me and through my prayers, reminding me that yours was a vital role, not only in our Savior’s birth, but in his ministry as well. Help me to keep you ever in front of me, as my mentor and model.

Thank you, Father, for always loving me, no matter how far off course I veer. Thank you for your guiding hand and gentle voice that calls to me in the night.

Thank you, Jesus, for continuing to light my path.

Thank you, Jim, for your dedication and example. I’m proud to be by your side and even in the background as the supporting cast.

My prayer, as it was before, remains the same:

Mother Mary, help me to become less, that He may become more. Amen.