i am beautiful…

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.  Psalm 139:13-16

In 2006, I had my appendix removed. I’d had no issues prior to the night before the surgery, and so, it was a bit of a surprise.

Our son, Derek, had graduated high school that spring and had spent the summer in boot camp in Ft. Benning, Georgia. I drove down for his graduation and to bring him home.

Derek himself was sick and maybe that’s why I was ignoring my own body. You know how us Mommas are. Someone is sick? We throw on our “Super Mom” capes and spring into action.

But one evening I came home, cooked supper but didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t eaten lunch at work that day either. I didn’t feel bad at this point; I just wasn’t hungry. (I should have known something was up…lol)

During the night I felt warm and started throwing up. I figured that it was just a bug. I felt better by the next morning, so I went to work. When I got out my car in the parking lot, I couldn’t stand straight up. This kind of freaked me out, so when I went in the office, I mentioned it to my co-workers. One of ladies asked me several questions and encouraged me to call my doctor as soon as he opened. I did and to my surprise, they said, “Come in right now!”

I went in for an exam and they called to get me in for an ultrasound. After that, I went home for a couple of hours. Soon the doctor’s office was calling to tell me that I needed to go to the emergency room and get checked in for surgery.

Jim came home from work and drove me in. We didn’t have time to call anyone or pack much, but Jim grabbed his Bible on the way out of the house.

After they checked me in and rushed me back to surgery, Jim sat down in the waiting room…alone. He told me he didn’t know what to pray and so he opened his Bible to the book of Psalms. He read a couple when he came across the verses above. Ever since then, Psalm 139:14 has been one of his favorites.

I learned recently that the type of migraines I experience aren’t just “attacks” that come and go. I have a disorder that actually shows up on an MRI scan. That means that the condition is there, even when I’m not experiencing a full-blown migraine.

It’s hard to remember, when I’m lying in bed, in total darkness, my arms wrapped around my head and crying from pain, that this body, that seems to attack me from within, is beautifully made.

But it is. We are made in God’s image. That alone tells us how wonderful we are. God sent his only son to die for our sins. For you…for me. That tells us how much God loves and wants us near him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

If you are having one of those days where you don’t feel beautiful or wonderfully created, just remember…YOU ARE! God loves you and you are perfect just the way you are. And the closer we stay to Jesus, the more we reflect that deep beauty to the world.

Thank you, Father, for loving be before I was even born. Thank you for creating me just the way I am…with all my faults and imperfections. Because of your Son’s sacrifice, I am beautiful before you.